What does a trauma bond relationship look like?

"A trauma bond occurs when your partner intentionally harms you through a pattern of threats, intimidation, manipulation, deceit, or betrayal so they have power and control," she says. "You stay loyal to your violating partner despite feelings of fear, emotional pain, and distress."


What are the 7 stages of trauma bonding?

The seven stages of trauma bonding are:
  • Love Bombing. Love bombing involves the sudden, intense attempt to create a “we” in a relationship through high praise and excessive flattery. ...
  • Trust & Dependency. ...
  • Criticism. ...
  • Manipulation & Gaslighting. ...
  • Resignation & Giving Up. ...
  • Loss of Self. ...
  • Addiction to the Cycle.


How do you know if you are trauma bonded to someone?

Signs of trauma bonding

agree with the abusive person's reasons for treating them badly. try to cover for the abusive person. argue with or distance themselves from people trying to help, such as friends, family members, or neighbors.


How do you tell if it's a trauma bond or love?

Much like love bombing, trauma bonds can give the resemblance of love. They're often confused for love because of the trying nature, and when you love someone, you do try. Trauma bond relationships are driven by fear, not love, which is the biggest differentiator between trauma bonds and love.

Can a trauma bond turn into a real relationship?

And the fact is, a trauma bond will not transform into a healthy relationship, no matter how much the person being abused hopes so or tries to fix it. “It's often mistaken for love,” Wilform says. “But love doesn't consist of you having to be in a cycle of being mentally diminished or physically hurt.”


6 Signs of Trauma Bonding



Does trauma bonding ever go away?

Trauma bonds can linger, even when the abuse happened long ago. You might struggle to stop thinking about someone who hurt you and feel the urge to reach out or try again. Here's a test that might help, though it's not at all conclusive: Ask yourself whether you'd encourage a loved one to leave a similar relationship.

Why is it so hard to break a trauma bond?

Trauma bonds aren't simply a challenging relationship: they are deeply rooted in our basic need for attachment and security. The abuser wields tremendous power and control that compound with shame and embarrassment, making it impossible for their abused partner to leave.

How does a trauma bond begin?

Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. Trauma bonding often happens in romantic relationships, however, it can also occur between colleagues, non-romantic family members, and friends.


Can you have a healthy relationship with someone you have a trauma bond with?

Unfortunately, transforming a trauma bond into a healthy attachment rarely happens, although it is possible to stop one from forming before it's too late. If you know that you are in a toxic relationship, seek help. It may seem difficult, even impossible.

How do you break a trauma bond cycle?

Here are 13 steps from a therapist to help you break a trauma bond:
  1. Find Resources Around You. ...
  2. Communicate Your Needs Clearly & Assertively. ...
  3. Disengage & Retract From the Situation. ...
  4. Face Your Feelings. ...
  5. Validate Yourself. ...
  6. Talk to a Professional. ...
  7. Keep a Journal. ...
  8. Take Time to Grieve What You Lost.


How do you end a trauma bond relationship?

9 Ways to break traumatic bonding
  1. Stop the secret self-blame. ...
  2. Start reality training. ...
  3. Ask good questions. ...
  4. Shift perspective. ...
  5. Start a long put-off project with all of your might. ...
  6. Put your focus on feeling. ...
  7. Stop the games. ...
  8. Tap into something bigger than you.


What does trauma response look like?

Right after a trauma, almost every survivor will find it hard to stop thinking about what happened. Stress reactions—such as fear, anxiety, jumpiness, upsetting memories, and efforts to avoid reminders—will gradually decrease over time for most people.

What is trauma dumping?

Trauma dumping refers to sharing a traumatic story without thinking about how it will affect the listener, or oversharing in an inappropriate context.

What does a trauma bond with a narcissist look like?

You might be suffering from a trauma bond if you exhibit the following behaviors: You know they are abusive and manipulative, but you can't seem to let go. You ruminate over the incidents of abuse, engage in self-blame, and the abuser becomes the sole arbiter of your self-esteem and self-worth.


How long does trauma bonding take?

In fact, this applies both to the abuser and the trauma survivor—many people feel emotionally “hooked” to the other person in these types of relationships. In fact, it can take just 63 days of this kind of relationship to develop a strong bond that can be hard to leave.

How trauma bonds affect future relationships?

Childhood trauma, abuse, and domestic violence can create rifts in our ability to trust others, and often this translates into problems in future relationships. When two people who already have trauma histories get involved, it often turns into disastrous scenarios in which each person is triggered by the other.

Do narcissists feel the trauma bond?

Do Narcissists Also Feel the Trauma Bond? Abusive narcissists likely do feel the bond too, but differently. It's so confusing for anyone in a relationship with a narcissist who's abusive to understand why they continue to hurt them, even when they say they love them.


Why are trauma bonds so powerful?

The cycle of being devalued and then rewarded over and over, works overtime to create a strong chemical and hormonal bond between a victim and his or her abuser. This is why victims of abuse often describe feeling more deeply bonded to their abuser than they do to people who actually consistently treat them well.

Are trauma Bonds always toxic?

What's key to understand about a trauma bonding relationship is that it can't be healthy because it is not equal. “Oftentimes when folks are trauma bonding, it may look and feel safe for some,” says Eborn. “But there is a lot of inconsistency within the relationship, and it can be extremely dysfunctional.

Is trauma bonding toxic?

The Effects of Trauma Bonding

Those who do not know what a trauma bond is don't realize that the biggest problem with a trauma bond relationship is that the victim becomes trapped in a toxic relationship and will not leave. Especially in terms of emotional abuse, the toxicity in the relationship may be more subtle.


How is oversharing a trauma response?

“Trauma dumping refers to the oversharing of difficult emotions and thoughts with others,” Dr. Prewitt explains. “It is not a clinical term used by mental health providers, but people who engage in 'trauma dumping' often share traumatic events or stressful situations with others during inappropriate times.”

What is Overexplaining?

overexplained; overexplaining. transitive + intransitive. : to explain (something) to an excessive degree. The stories tended to be as simple as a good children's picture-book, so that nothing needed to be overexplained. Noel Murray.

What is toxic venting?

What is Toxic Venting? Toxic venting feels like an attack on someone's character. Whether you are the one venting, or you're listening to someone else do it, this communication makes the other person out to be “the bad guy.” This type of bad-mouthing becomes an intense form of gossip.


What are 4 Behaviours of a person with trauma?

Adults may display sleep problems, increased agitation, hypervigilance, isolation or withdrawal, and increased use of alcohol or drugs. Older adults may exhibit increased withdrawal and isolation, reluctance to leave home, worsening of chronic illnesses, confusion, depression, and fear (DeWolfe & Nordboe, 2000b).

What are the 3 E's of trauma?

The keywords in SAMHSA's concept are The Three E's of Trauma: Event(s), Experience, and Effect. When a person is exposed to a traumatic or stressful event, how they experience it greatly influences the long-lasting adverse effects of carrying the weight of trauma.