What do Avoidants really want?

Avoidant people need independence and autonomy such that intimacy can feel threatening. That's why it's important to avoid surprises when communicating with an avoidant so they don't feel out of control. So, plan quality time together well in advance.


What does the avoidant want with me?

Highly self-sufficient. This is the #1 characteristic of someone with a dismissive avoidant attachment style. They don't want to depend on you and they don't want you to depend on them. They want their freedom and independence and want (or at least think that they want) you to be the same way.

What do Avoidants crave?

Those with fearful-avoidant attachments want love from others. They may even crave that affection. But, at the same time, they are reluctant to have close or intimate relationships. This is a unique combination of anxiously craving affection and avoiding it at any cost.


What do avoidant attachment need?

Those with Avoidant attachment are likely to need a lot of emotional space and independence, and might be uncomfortable with strong displays of emotion or conflict (think of these like cats - a bit standoffish and aloof).

Do Avoidants want you to reach out?

They're always looking for the red flags, and they will find them, so when you go no contact with the dismissive avoidant, don't expect them to reach out to you. They won't text you because likely when you were in a relationship with them, you were the one to initiate most of the contact.


How Dismissive Avoidant People Experience Romantic Feelings | Dismissive Avoidant Attachment



Do Avoidants care when you leave?

Initiate the breakup & suppress negative emotions

This response isn't to suggest that avoidant attachers don't feel the pain of a breakup – they do. They're just prone to pushing down their heartbreak and attempting to carry on with life as normal.

Why do avoidants ignore text messages?

During the initial stages of getting to know someone, avoidants typically avoid texting. You'll find that they don't text too much. They need time and space to get to know you before they can text you more freely. Avoid bombarding them with texts during this stage.

How do you make an avoidant feel special?

We spoke with relationship experts to learn about ways you can increase your connection with an avoidant partner.
  1. Be patient. ...
  2. Create an atmosphere of safety. ...
  3. Respect cultural differences. ...
  4. Try to understand how they view 'needs' ...
  5. Avoid controlling their behaviors. ...
  6. If possible, offer alone time. ...
  7. Try not to interrupt their space.


Do Avoidants like physical touch?

People with a so-called avoidant attachment style have reported in previous research that they like touch less and engage in it much less than the average. Thus, they were the perfect candidates to investigate people who could benefit from less touch.

What triggers an avoidant?

Avoidant / dismissive adults still self regulate in unhealthy ways; they might feel threatened by triggering dating or relationship situations, such as a partner trying to get emotionally close, and they might shut down their emotions in an attempt to feel safe and avoid feeling vulnerable.

Who are Avoidants attracted to?

Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.


What is an Avoidants biggest fear?

At which point, the avoidant party undergoes a complete seachange. Their greatest fear, that of being engulfed in love, disappears at a stroke and reveals something that is normally utterly submerged in their character: a fear of being abandoned.

Do Avoidants fantasize?

Many people with avoidant personality disorder live in a fantasy world that helps them feel emotionally connected to the world. For example, a woman with avoidant traits may fantasize that her boss is interested in becoming her husband and that they truly love each other even though he's happily married with 7 kids.

How do you know if a avoidant likes you?

12 Signs to check if an avoidant loves you
  • They are ready to become vulnerable.
  • They love your nonverbal PDAs.
  • They display nonverbal communication.
  • They encourage you to get personal space.
  • They make an effort to connect with you.
  • They listen to you.
  • They make the first move in a relationship.
  • They want to get intimate.


How do you get an avoidant to chase you?

10 ways to make an avoidant individual chase you
  1. Don't chase the avoidant. The very first thing you have to do when it comes to learning about how to get an avoidant to chase you is to stop chasing that avoidant person. ...
  2. Stay mysterious. ...
  3. The waiting game works. ...
  4. Give them space. ...
  5. Patience is crucial. ...
  6. Don't rush them.


What happens when you give space to an avoidant?

A Secure partner will be able to tolerate the periodic withdrawal that feels necessary for an Avoidant person. When the Secure person can easily grant the “space” that the Avoidant person says they need, the Avoidant person often realizes more quickly they no longer need space.

Do Avoidants make eye contact?

Signs of Avoidant Attachment

Children of avoidant parents or caretakers may not outwardly express need for affection or care. They are likely to: Avoid physical touch. Avoid eye contact.


How do Avoidants show they care?

Avoidants tend to not want to give anything or anybody their time or their energy. If it doesn't serve them any purpose, they won't do it. So if they are with you and they are giving you their time, that is a really good indication that they care about you and they are putting you as a priority.

Can Avoidants be clingy?

As an adult, a person with an avoidant attachment style may experience the following: avoiding emotional closeness in relationships. feeling as though their partners are being clingy when they simply want to get emotionally closer. withdrawing and coping with difficult situations alone.

Do Avoidants hide their feelings?

In a relationship certain people can identify as "avoidant," meaning they have a tendency to shield their feelings from their partner. The reason behind this behavior is firstly to avoid burdening a loved one with personal worries, and secondly to self-protect from vulnerability.


Does an avoidant get jealous?

Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...

Do Avoidants miss you when you leave?

Yes, the dismissive avoidant misses you, but they miss you later on. In the beginning they're going to be relieved that they have their freedom. They can get their independence back and they get to go and do what they want to do without having to answer any questions to anybody.

Do Avoidants ghost you?

Albers says two attachment styles most likely to engage in ghosting are the anxiously attached and avoidant attached. She explains. “Essentially these anxiously-attached individuals want to be close to others, but their insecurity about the relationship often leads them to have difficulty staying in the relationship.


What do Avoidants like to hear?

Talk about your fears. Avoidant people learned to suppress their emotions and vulnerabilities when they were children. So, with some avoidants, talking about your own fears and imperfections can help them open up. Of course, you have to build trust before communicating with an avoidant partner about this topic.

Do Avoidants ever attach?

Avoidant attachment types are extremely independent, self-directed, and often uncomfortable with intimacy. They're commitment-phobes and experts at rationalizing their way out of any intimate situation. They regularly complain about feeling “crowded” or “suffocated” when people try to get close to them.