How do you reassure a borderline?

Calmly reassure the person with BPD when setting limits. Say something like, “I love you and I want our relationship to work, but I can't handle the stress caused by your behavior. I need you to make this change for me.”


How do you soothe someone with borderline personality disorder?

But there are lots of positive things you can do to support them:
  1. Be patient.
  2. Don't judge.
  3. Be calm and consistent.
  4. Remind them of their positive traits.
  5. Set clear boundaries.
  6. Plan ahead.
  7. Learn their triggers.
  8. Provide distractions.


How do I make my borderline feel loved?

Recognize in your loved one's abilities and help them realize their own potential rather than taking on their challenges for them. Let them know that you support them and believe in them. Help them take steps to become more self-sufficient, not less. Of course, this does not mean ignoring legitimate crises.


Do people with BPD need reassurance?

People with BPD often are afraid of being alone, rejected, or abandoned by those closest to them, which can cause intense paranoia. 7 That may lead them to act obsessively and constantly seek reassurance, or even to push others away to avoid feeling hurt by a future rejection.

What do you say to a borderline person?

Tell them that you really want to understand, and ask if they can say more about what they are feeling and why. Give the person hope for recovery by reassuring them that people with BPD can and do get better. Accept that the person is struggling and that life goals might need to be broken down into smaller steps.


7 Steps to Managing a BPD Episode: Step by Step



What not to say to someone with borderline personality disorder?

  • “You're so emotionally unstable.” ...
  • “Why can't you hold down a relationship?” ...
  • “You don't need to get so angry all the time.” ...
  • “Pull yourself together!” ...
  • “You're so stupid, you spend all of your money without thinking about the consequences.” ...
  • “It's like you have two completely different personalities.”


What emotions do borderlines feel?

A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions. When something happens in a relationship that makes them feel abandoned, criticized, or rejected, their symptoms are expressed.

How do you know if someone with BPD loves you?

If you suspect you're someone with BPD's favorite person, they may exhibit the following signs toward you:
  1. Consistent need for reassurance.
  2. Intense declarations of their love or appreciation for you.
  3. Reaching out more frequently when you don't respond.
  4. Fear that you will leave them or no longer love them.


How do you have a stable relationship with someone with BPD?

Finding Relief if You're Facing Relationship Problems Due to Borderline Personality Disorder
  1. Seek out information. ...
  2. Get help. ...
  3. Practice healthy communication. ...
  4. Ask open-ended questions. ...
  5. Talk only when your partner is calm. ...
  6. Offer support. ...
  7. Avoid labeling or blaming. ...
  8. Take threats seriously.


Can you maintain a relationship with someone with BPD?

With treatment and continual support from family and partners, people with BPD can have successful relationships. Read on to find out how it's possible and what you can do if you or your partner has BPD.

What to do when someone with BPD pushes you away?

Respect their need for space. You will reach a point where your loved one seems to be pushing you away. Don't walk away and leave them, but do respect their need for space. And let them know that.


How do you empathize someone with BPD?

Practicing Empathy
  1. Take Your Time. Information comes at us so fast these days, it feels like there should be no “wasted space” in a conversation. ...
  2. Validate. Validate the other person's emotions with a nod, with an “I understand,” with a touch. ...
  3. Support. Offer personal support. ...
  4. Listen. ...
  5. Body Language. ...
  6. Respect.


Do borderlines want to be loved?

People with BPD strongly desire a deep connection with those around them. This is partly because of their fear of abandonment but because they simply love people and crave deep connections. As a result, people with BPD tend to be very passionate partners.

Why do borderlines hurt the ones they love?

Often, the borderline person is unaware of how they feel when their feelings surface, so they displace their feelings onto others as causing them. They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way.


Are borderlines aware of their behavior?

People with borderline personality disorders are aware of their behaviors and the consequences of them and often act in increasingly erratic ways as a self-fulfilling prophecy to their abandonment fears.

How do you deal with an angry BPD episode?

When faced with BPD rage – which stems from the BPD person's interpretation of an event – it is important that you react in a calm and validating manner. Take care of your own emotional and mental health and seek therapy for yourself. Encourage and support treatment (when the BPD person is ready)

How do you build trust with someone who has BPD?

The following 9 strategies can help you support a person with BPD:
  1. Learn about BPD. ...
  2. Show confidence and respect. ...
  3. Be trustworthy. ...
  4. Manage conflict with attachment. ...
  5. Encourage Professional Help. ...
  6. Identify strengths. ...
  7. Have fun together. ...
  8. Take suicide seriously.


How long does a BPD relationship last?

Results found in a 2014 study found the average length of a BPD relationship between those who either married or living together as partners was 7.3 years. However, there are cases where couples can stay together for 20+ years.

Are people with BPD loyal?

Passionate and emotional – When a person with BPD loves, the love is deep, highly committed and loyal to the relationship. Even though there may be struggles with attachment and fears of abandonment, these are ultimately manifestations of love.

Who are BPD attracted to?

Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem. People who take their power from being a victim, or seek excitement in others because their own life is not where they want it to be.


What is a favorite person to someone with BPD?

A favorite person is the center of attention of an individual living with BPD. This means they consider this person as a trusted friend, confidant, and counselor all wrapped in one. Dr. Roberts notes that the person with BPD demonstrates an “anxious-preoccupied attachment style.”

Do people with BPD fall in love fast?

People affected by BPD often have highly unstable intimate relationships. Usually of above average intelligence, they tend to fall in love easily, sometimes without getting to know the person.

Are borderlines clingy?

People with BPD can act overly needy. If you take them out of their comfort zone, or when they feel “abandoned” they can become a burden.


Do borderlines feel remorse?

Only remorse leads to a real apology and change. One of the hallmarks of people with Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (BP/NP) is that they often do not feel truly sorry. Even though a BP/NP may say he or she is sorry, there is often something lacking.

Can people with BPD control their actions?

Those with borderline personality disorder tend to exhibit control over their environment by creating and exacerbating disruptive circumstances; thereby influencing others to behave in a certain manner to decrease the affected individual's reactions.