How do codependents think?

Codependency is when we choose the thoughts that keep us feeling dependent on others and how they feel as a way to validate ourselves. This extreme of codependency is just as unhealthy and just as damaging to relationships and to ourselves as striving for the false notion of complete independence.

How does a codependent person act?

People in codependent relationships tend to have a problem where one person doesn't recognize boundaries and the other person doesn't insist on boundaries. Thus, one person is controlling and manipulative, and the other person is compliant and fails to assert his or her own will.

What are codependents afraid of?

Codependent fears

As a result, codependents tend to fear rejection, criticism, not being good enough, failure, conflict, vulnerability, and being out of control. So, situations and people that trigger these fears can spike our anxiety.

What are the characteristics of codependents?

Codependents often...

Freely offer advice and direction without being asked. Become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice. Lavish gifts and favors on those they want to influence. Use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance.

Are codependents delusional?

Codependents often feel personally responsible for the emotions and actions of others. These individuals may often feel the need to solve others problems. The codependent lives with the delusion that their help is needed and without their help, the other person cannot make the right decisions.

8 Signs You May Be Codependent

Do codependents lack empathy?

A codependent is someone whose feelings, thoughts, and actions revolve around another person. [I] Codependents needn't be empathetic and an empath needn't be codependent. Some people justify or glorify their codependency on the fact that they're empathetic; however, codependency is something very specific.

Do codependents have a victim mentality?

Moreover, victim mentality can result from individuals being in codependent relationships: either with their partners, or while growing up in codependent relationships with their caregivers.

What are 5 to 10 characteristics of a codependent person?

Signs of codependency include:
  • Difficulty making decisions in a relationship.
  • Difficulty identifying your feelings.
  • Difficulty communicating in a relationship.
  • Valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself.
  • Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem.

Are codependents nice?

Codependents are nice. If you are codependent, people will usually describe you as sweet, loyal and selfless. But if you were to plunge an emotional stethoscope into the core of the codependent, you'd likely find fear, loneliness and neediness that runs contrary to their “I'm so nice and together” image.

Do codependents have friends?

Codependent friendships can swallow you up becoming the most important relationship in your life; you might even feel like you cant live without this friendship. Healthy friendships meet the needs of both people. Its normal for there to be some imbalance in the short-term, but things should balance out over time.

What makes a codependent angry?

Because of dependency, codependents attempt to control others in order to feel better, rather than to initiate effective action. But when people don't do what they want, they feel angry, victimized, unappreciated or uncared for, and powerless — unable to be agents of change for ourselves.

Are codependents people pleasers?

Is codependency the same as people-pleasing? You can have people-pleasing tendencies and still not be codependent. “All codependent people are people pleasers, but not all people pleasers are codependent,” says Kate Engler, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Skokie, Illinois.

Are codependents happy?

Symptoms of codependency

It can be hard to distinguish between a person who is codependent and one who is just clingy or very enamored with another person. But, a person who is codependent will usually: Find no satisfaction or happiness in life outside of doing things for the other person.

Do codependents feel love?

A codependent relationship can look like love, but it isn't. Love is predicated on choice, the choice to support and care for another. If you are dependent on another person for your emotional security and welfare, then the relationship is no longer based on love. Instead, it is based on need.

What are four symptoms involved in codependency?

Signs of Codependency
  • Poor boundaries with others.
  • Low-self esteem.
  • Caretaking.
  • Obsessions.
  • A need for control.
  • Difficulty making decisions.
  • Trouble identifying or communicating thoughts, feelings or needs.
  • Chronic anger or strong, emotional reactions.

Is codependent clingy?

Is Codependency the Same Thing as Clinginess? Codependency refers to the state of needing to have another person validate you, depend upon you, and make sacrifices for you to prove their love to you. It's a dysfunctional relationship pattern that may involve clinginess when your partner isn't there.

Do codependents move on quickly?

Codependents often have a particularly difficult time moving on after a break-up or the end of a relationship. Even when you know it was a dysfunctional or unhealthy relationship, you cant seem to let go and move forward with your life.

Who are codependents attracted to?

Codependents seek out partners whom they can save and get drowned in taking care of their partners while never being taken care of themselves. Like a pair of dysfunctional puzzle pieces perfectly fitting together floating across a sea of misery, codependents attract those who desire caregivers and enablers (vampires).

Are codependents immature?

Is codependency a sign of emotional immaturity? No, codependency is just a coping style, and can be used by mature or immature people. Codependent behavior will look different depending on the emotional maturity level of the person using it.

Why do codependents obsess?

Codependent individuals obsess about our relationships because they distract us from being alone with ourselves and give us a place where we can replicate the meaning-making activities of our childhood, including care-taking, self-sacrifice, and martyrdom.

How are codependents manipulative?

Codependents have trouble being direct and assertive and may use manipulation to get their way. They may say whatever they think someone wants to hear to get along or be loved, but then later they do what they want. This is also passive-aggressive behavior.

What personality type is codependent?

Codependency is defined as behavior in a relationship that is extreme and one-sided with the goal of helping or pleasing the other person in the relationship. An individual with codependency needs to be needed and will go to great lengths to sacrifice their own needs and wants in favor of the other person's.

What mental illness causes codependency?

Mental health experts borrowed criteria of codependent behavior from dependent personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and histrionic personality disorder. Even without a clear diagnosis, giving up on someone with mental illness should be avoided.

Do codependents trust issues?

Codependents have issues with trust. They're prone to distrust people or the reverse. They trust too easily. Frequently, they do both.

What trauma leads to codependency?

Childhood trauma is often a root cause of codependency. They don't always result, but for many people codependent relationships are a response to unaddressed past traumas. One reason may be that childhood trauma is usually family-centered: abuse, neglect, domestic violence, or even just divorce and fighting.